【psychological eroticism】

Congratulations to Australia for voting yes on psychological eroticismsame-sex marriage -- and to my fellow LGBTQ friends across the sea, let me add a few words of advice.

In America, we've had same-sex marriage for two years now. As a queer person, I am thankful I live in a country where I am able to marry the lady of my choice and sue someone into making me a cake. Still, there were annoyances and obstacles I didn't quite expect after the Supreme Court made their landmark decision, concerns I feel compelled to address in listicle form.

Now that a clear majority in Australia favors same-sex marriage, the Australian government is poised to pass same-sex marriage any day now, as well it should. From one fellow queer to another, here's what you can expect.

1. You are going to go bankrupt from attending so many same-sex weddings

Your queer friends will tell you they don't care about same-sex marriage. Watch that change overnight. The most vocal marriage skeptics in your group will start to shack up quickly, so be prepared to spend a lot of time talking about "queering marriage" and listening to Adrienne Rich metaphors at weddings.

2. Your straight allies are probably more excited about same-sex marriage than you are.

I was happy when same-sex marriage was passed, but my straight friends were out of their goddamn minds with joy -- a phenomenon many of my queer friends also experienced. I cannot tell you the number of very well meaning straight people who congratulated me on same-sex marriage, a campaign I had zero role in. My assumption is that people feel guilty about their marital privilege and genuinely want to be good allies, which hey, that's kind, god bless their corny souls.

3. Your straight second-tier friends from high school could care less.

Be prepared to read a lot of Facebook posts that begin, "Well, actually" or, "I don't think the government should be in the business of marriage" or, "Don't we have more important issues to address?"

Do not comment, do not pass go. Proceed immediately to Tumblr.

4. Oof, your family members may not be thrilled either.

This painful period may very well pass. Or it may not, and it will be awful. Try and spend time with the kind LGBTQ friends you do have, or consider reaching out here.

5. You can no longer decline invitations to heterosexual weddings because "that privilege isn't extended" to you

For those of us in the broke community, this was easily our best excuse for backing out of a wedding. Goddamnit.

6. Be prepared to be asked to officiate or speak at heterosexual weddings

Congratulations -- you're sort of cool now! Be ready to be the token sexual diversity speaker at straight weddings, and to enjoy it so much against your better judgement.

5. At these weddings, you will meet fugly relatives of the couple who will look at you like you're a freak

My advice in that situation is not to ignore these homophobes, but -- assuming you're in a safe environment -- to follow them around and chat with them as much as possible because they absolutely hate it.

6. You'll have 24 hours to be thrilled about same-sex marriage, before everyone on Facebook starts posting about how "marriage is social control" and the LGBTQ community still has "so far to go" and you realize they're kinda right and you're depressed all over again.

Enjoy this victory before the internet ruins it for you!

7. There will be ding-dongs who want to take away your rights, and you're going to have a blast giffing them

Say it with me, Australia: Ner-Ner-Ner-Ner-Ner.

8. Expect to have a *little less fun* when people like them suddenly have an extreme amount of power

Wait, we didn't mean that snarky Facebook post! We really do want same-sex marriage!

9. Pride will be too crowded this year

It's empowering to see such a groundswell of love and activism. It's also a little bothersome when you're trying to find a clean bathroom without being crushed to death by thongs.

10. Corporations are suddenly really, really into you

Congratulations, you're a target market now! Even if you can't find someone to love you, you can find a pinkwashing credit card company who will.

11. You'll be congratulated by randos all over the world

Despite #1-10 of this listicle, there are so many of us across this sad planet who are genuinely thrilled for your achievement. Delete the haters from your timeline and watch every sappy pro-same-sex marriage viral video you can find. Bad days aren't that far ahead. Today, thankfully, is a good one.