【Writer's Bullpen (2009)】

New York magazine just came out with a major profile of Kellyanne Conway,Writer's Bullpen (2009) and, yep, it's crazy, from the cover line (The True First Lady of Trump's America) on down.

The cover story by Washington correspondent Olivia Nuzzi follows the counselor to President Donald Trump—and, yes, again, "true first lady"—through the White House, TV appearances, her home life, and one endlessly fascinating steak dinner.

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Here are the 11 most insane things you'll learn from it:

1. Conway's Secret Service code name is Blueberry.

That's because she was the 1984 Miss New Jersey Blueberry Princess. And the World Champion Blueberry Packer. And Secret Service told Conway that her code name had to start with "B."

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2. She also eats cinnamon Orbit gum.

Just like Sean Spicer.

3. She definitely doesn't want Sean Spicer's job.

“Slit my wrists, bleed out, put cement shoes on, jump off the bridge, and then I’ll take the job—are you kidding me?”

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4. She's said 1.2 million words on TV .

Or at least that's what she claimed to New York. Direct quote: "Excuse me, I’ve spoken 1.2 million words on TV, okay?”

5. There's one computer on her desk, not five.

At one point, Conway was discussing the amount of work she does for the White House (and oh, yes, we'll get to that later). But for now, just know:

“How about the five computers on my desk?” (There was only one computer on her desk.)

6. She is here to make friends

Unlike Steve Bannon, who told New York, “I have enough friends."

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7. She ate a decorative scallion because she thought it was asparagus

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8. She loved Mary Tyler Moore

“I just remember thinking Mary Tyler Moore was really cool, but not because anybody sat there and said, ‘She’s a feminist!’ I just thought she was composed and stylish and had a big smile," she said. “Now she would have to be, like, a brain surgeon at NASA who’s vice-president of the United States on the side, adopting babies from faraway lands.”

9. She had friends who went to the Women's March, maybe

“I don’t object to other people marching at all—you know, my friends were there,” she said. “But I’d rather do than march; I’d rather act than talk.”

10. Arianna Huffington bailed on a baby shower they were supposed to host together

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11. She's leading production of a Trump mannequin for Disney World's Hall of Presidents.

It's her childhood dream.

12. There's, um, some tension between herself and Steve Bannon. And she maybe doesn't think she gets enough credit.

For her part, Conway calls Bannon the White House’s “man of mystery” — joking that you can’t constantly jockey to be next to the president and remain invisible at the same time. “I tease him a lot. I told him in December or November, ‘You realize I go on TV to defend you more now than Donald Trump? So while you’re sound asleep and my husband is trying to master how to flip a pancake, I’m actually defending you.’ ” Not that it matters to Bannon. “I tell her, I tell everybody: I could care less if you defend me,” he told me. “I don’t want to be defended, because I don’t care.” When the White House learned Bannon would appear on the cover of Time, Conway told me, people were “running around the West Wing” frantically trying to figure out what to do. “Like, who’s ever out there for me? Or even Sean? It’s like, you can’t be in every photo and then wonder why you’re an object of media fascination. And then because you’re in every photo, people are like, ‘Oh, those who aren’t in the photo must be — ’ ”

And there's so much more. Read the rest of it, right here.